It’s funny when I think back to how many times I’ve said something like, “I’ll be happy when…” or “Everything with be okay when…” Then I get to that moment and realize that although reaching milestone “X” may be exciting and enriching, the rest of my life is still the same. I’m still the same person with the same baggage and there are usually a new set of circumstances to deal with that are intimidating.
I’ve dealt with this in various ways throughout my life. In graduate school I spent most nights at a bar and those two years are kind of blurry. I wasn’t aligned with the path I had taken and instead of choosing another path, I numbed myself with booze and cigarettes. Then I got sober for two years, married my husband and made a lot of painful, but necessary changes in my life. It was ROUGH and I was scared, but I just lived through it.
I’m still not someone who can doze off on a Saturday afternoon or sit in the backyard and soak up the sun (without my laptop and SPF 100), but I’ve embraced things like yoga, spirituality, writing, and long walks to create peace between the peaks in life. You see, I get addicted to the peaks. For example, I love being up against a tight deadline when it comes to my writing. I get into a zone where it’s all I think about and I write for days. I love being consumed by this, but I’ve realized that in order to lead a balanced life, it’s just as important to flip the coin and chill out.
I’m trying to make the valleys just as important as the peaks. The “I’ll be happy when X happens” way of thinking discredits 99% of life. Instead of feeling impatient because I’m waiting to hear about X or Y, I make a list of things I can do during this time that I’ll enjoy. I might be writing an article for a magazine, focusing on home improvements (I rearranged my office, again), getting away for a weekend, or catching up with friends. Instead of being happy when “X” happens, I’m going to be grateful for today. Because today is pretty damn good.
PS- In other news, we’re going to Bar Harbor this summer! I’m looking forward to spending a week in the town where my novel is set:) I’ve been to Bar Harbor many times, but I imagine I’ll be looking at the place with a new perspective this year!
I found my center, my purpose, and my heart through writing and I’m here to help you do the same. I work with entrepreneurs, authors, academics, and other driven individuals to help them find their voice on the page. 
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
“The “I’ll be happy when X happens” way of thinking discredits 99% of life. ” so, so true. congrats on finding the agent, too!
Thanks! I’m looking forward to checking out your blog. Congrats to you on your publishing success:)
Exciting! Enjoy!
Our yearning for the future or that “high” that comes from a deadline, control, substances, etc. usually represents an inability to be in the moment or an unhappiness with the way our life currently is. I think it is just as important to get quiet and figure out what it is that we are avoiding when we keep ourselves constantly busy or working toward goals. When I first became ill, it was my hell to get still and quiet, so God literally took my legs away so I could not “run” anymore, literally and figuratively. If I wasn’t training for whatever race, I was immersing myself in some long-shot goal, getting that runner’s high or high from achieving what seemed impossible. Eventually, I turned to an eating disorder when I couldn’t train anymore. The obesession that comes with it is just another way to avoid your real present. Seeing this pattern and working toward correcting it was my big “ah-ha!”
So glad you have gotten sober and STAYED sober – and done so much internal work! You should be SO proud! That is incredible!!!! Keep up the amazing work, Corinne! I love to hear about your life experiences.
XOXOXO
Thanks, Maria! Getting sober for a couple years really helped me clear my mind! I’m in a place now where I can have alcohol in my life in a healthy way, but it’s taken time (and inner work) to get here:) When it comes to addiction, which can be mental and/or physical, it’s such a unique journey for each person. Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences! xo
Yes, addiction is so complex. I worked counseling the mentally ill and chemically addicted for a period of time, and there are just SO many factors that affect the individual’s decision to continue to use despite negative consequences. It is such a frustrating disease for those afflicted, their loved ones, and us counselors because we want them to get healthy and be happy so darn badly! I hate to see people suffer so much
I applaud you for finding balance! That is true wellness – when you can dig so deeply that you are able to return to a balanced life and be around the substance without falling to the addiction. WELL DONE! VERY well done!
Love this post! I couldn’t relate more. Since I’ve dealt with eating disorders in the past mine was always “when I am skinner my life will be better” meanwhile, I was skinny enough (too skinny) and that in no way shape or form would make my life better (or in my situation, my mom to stop drinking). I have learned to overcome this by living in the moment. I do tend to go back to it from time to time, it is a hard habit to break. But living in the present is so much better, you experience so much more and I am happy for the now, not the “what’s to come.” Good luck with this, you are amazing for all you accomplish, with such a passion, I love that about you!
XOXO
Hi, Lauren! I also went through a tough time with exercise and diet! It didn’t matter how much weight I lost, I still wasn’t happy. Now, I am working to eat well and live well and be okay with where I am physically. It’s difficult when you have media and others in your life who may not advocate a healthy body image, but that’s why we need to support each other! xoxo
Oh yes! It is hard especially with outside pressure. Being pregnant has changed my views entirely. I really don’t care anymore about others. I’m focused on my and my baby. Of course, it is hard when you see those that put on the pressure, like my mother in law who “didn’t show for 6 months” lol! I won’t even get into that one!
But yea, we do need to support each other. We are all such great ladies and deserve more for ourselves then focusing on that crap! XOXO
I am so happy for you! Just ignore that woman. Sounds like she’s projecting her own insecurities on you and that’s not worth your time! I’m sure you’re a glowing mama-to-be:) xoxo
Corinne, she IS! She looks A-MAZ-ING!
Thanks! Yes, ignoring is a wonderful tool!
Love ya!
Lauren, I heard someone say once who suffered from an ED and was pregnant that it truly hit her when she realized she was only willing to eat because she was pregnant. She said, “Why do I think my baby is important enough to feed but I am not?” Powerful!
That’s great Maria (and thanks for the compliment, I love you!). I feel like my “issues” are gone and when I have the baby I am going to continue to have this outlook. No over or under eating, now I pay attention to my body and signals. I’m not worried about any weight gain (although it’s been small since my crohn’s is busy being a pain). But I don’t see it bothering me. I feel like pregnancy has giving me a new outlook and when I do give birth I will have no problem losing the weight because I am not going to be doing it for other, but for myself and my baby. I think my weight will balance out at my normal (non-eating disorder, non-steroid weight) which is fine with me. About 25lbs less then what I am now..lol..but hey, I would normal say 40lbs! Sorry to take over your blog Corinne, this is a powerful discussion. We should talk about this on MyCSL!
I love seeing you two talking over here! This is your space, too:)
Aww, thank you, Corinne and Lauren!
Lauren, I am SO darn proud of you! You are breaking the cycle and your baby (girl) will be raised with such love and wellness. You go, girl!
Thanks CB! I love talking with you powerful ladies, we all have such great content to add to the discussion! XO
Oh Corinne! What wisdom!! You really hit the nail on the head with this. It is truly so important to be present and happy in every moment and not always be looking ahead to an “I’ll be happy if/when…” moment. So important.
Also, Bar Harbor?! Can I come and be your personal trip photographer…..
Love seeing you here! I WISH I could kidnap you to capture our vacation on film:) For now I’ll have to enjoy your photos at your blog, which everyone should visit right now!
Hey Corinne! I really enjoyed reading this entry, I can identify! Lately I’ve realized that my foot injury has forced me to slow down and take a closer look at what’s going on in my life instead of my usual routine of constant activity. It’s encouraging when something seemingly completely negative can turn into a positive growth experience.
Hi Anne! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. Slowing down and having to just “be” is one of the most difficult things to do! It’s so much easier to go, go, go. I know you are going to heal, but in the meantime, it seems like this period in your life will enrich your future! I’ve met so many people who say that these kinds of challenges were a blessing, even though they seemed at times like a curse. I am continuously amazed at the work you have done to heal yourself!
Oh so cool that you’re going to Bar Harbor again!!!
I am the same way. I cannot just chill. I like the idea of making a list of centering yet productive tasks. That is really a great plan.
How did I know you’d understand ; )
Everything you said is true, but there are many upsides. Like, you can’t be fired.
I’m late to the party, but I love this post. You are absolutely right that waiting for something to happen keeps you from living in the present and being happy with where you are now. I try to keep “Be Present” as a personal mantra.
{ 3 trackbacks }