Here we are. Three weeks since my last blog post and still feeling cautiously…better. I’ve allowed my freelance writing to take a vacation and I’ve created space–to breathe, to think and to enjoy the holiday season.
I’m still afraid to let go–worried that if I’m not constantly working toward mind-blowing dreams (the kind that weave killer conversations and make for best-selling memoirs) I’m not worth your time. But simultaneously, I’m realizing that I’m a lot happier on a day-to-day basis when I’ve got some free-time on my hands.
I have the next four days off (thanks, boss!) and the only things I have planned are cooking, reading and spending time with my family. I just spent an hour working on Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map program while Audrey napped and now I’m writing this blog by candlelight. The house is peaceful and so am I. I stocked up on groceries earlier today and I can’t wait to try out five different recipes in the coming days. No deadlines looming. Just space, joy, and re-charging my spirit while nurturing my family.
The icing? This space is allowing me to be more creative. Ideas for future freelance articles and books and KrisCarr.com content are flowing into my mind effortlessly. Concepts that fill me with excitement because they aren’t forced. I’m writing them down and letting them marinate–letting them just be for a little while, until they’re ready to be explored and pitched into the world. And in the meantime, I’ll be patient. I’ll wait for that stirring inside that tells me I’m ready to bring more onto my plate. It could be next week or months down the road. For now, just writing it all down is enough.
Patience and letting go are my two biggest teachers right now. Something that has really helped me embrace these principles has been the latest post at KrisCarr.com. Kris broke down the beliefs many of us have built around purpose–the biggest being that our purpose is tied to what we do for a living. When I read the following list, my shoulders relaxed, my mind sighed a big breath of relief and I smiled (you can read the rest of the blog here). Kris writes:
What if your purpose is very different than what you’ve been taught to believe?
- What if your purpose is to build an everlasting relationship with yourself? To fall deeply in love with precious you? This isn’t self-centered or selfish, it’s self-expansive. Interconnected. Conscious.
- What if your purpose is to forgive yourself and others? And by doing so, to allow warm waves of compassion to wash over the entire planet (yourself included).
- What if your purpose is to gently heal all self-injury? And by doing so, to become a mentor and role model for others to do the same.
- What if your purpose is to release all shame and feelings of unworthiness? Guess what you’ll find behind those feelings? Vulnerability. Roll out the red carpet for the V word because vulnerability is where your true strength and glory resides.
- Shall we talk about perfection? Yes, I think we must. What if your purpose is to teach yourself that there is no such thing as perfection and that your never ending pursuit of it is destroying your life and your relationships. Let it go.
- What if your purpose is to speak kindly to yourself so that you elevate your energy and the world around you?
- What if your purpose is to develop an everlasting faith in yourself? To remember your holiness and treat yourself accordingly. The deeper your faith gets, the stronger your connection to a higher power.
- What if your purpose is to take impeccable care of yourself so that you have the energy and joy to serve others?
When I begin to embrace these questions, life doesn’t seem so complicated. I’m not my job (although I’m grateful for it and I love it), my worth isn’t attached to the next thing I publish, and my value doesn’t depend on what someone else thinks of my productivity or what kind of mother/wife/friend I am. I’m just here to be a human being. My favorite point is the last one in Kris’ list. It really makes sense to me right now. When I am rested, healthy and happy, I’m also kinder, more understanding and ready to give, give, give because I’m all fueled up. When I’m in that space, the rest just falls into place. I think it will for you too.